


Giggle Fits and Luthor Wits

by josephina_x



Category: Smallville
Genre: Chocolate, Easter, Fluff and Crack, Gen, The Author Regrets Nothing, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 12:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara+candy=um... yeah... ^_^;;</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giggle Fits and Luthor Wits

**Author's Note:**

  * For [karraparis](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=karraparis).



> [For karraparis](http://smallearth.livejournal.com/107579.html).

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Is this really all right?" Lex whispered to Mrs. Kent as he gingerly sat down on the couch next to her.

"Lex, you were invited. Invited is invited," she smiled up at him. The poor boy was so _nervous_ , honestly.

"It's just..."

Martha patted him arm consolingly and hoped he would relax. Kara had invited him for their Easter celebration, and she was part of the family, even if she was a new and somewhat beligerent addition at times. While Martha wasn't entirely certain what Lex had been up to at the dam that had Clark even more determined to sever ties with him, she did know that his divorce with Lana had been more than a little messy, with her framing him for her false murder. Martha wasn't about to leave Lex out in the cold when he was clearly trying to reedeem himself again after yet another second chance involving cars and too much water.

"Hi, Mrs. Senator!" Chloe called brightly, tongue-in-cheek, as she entered the front door with something in a casserole dish, with Oliver Queen trailing behind.

Not for long though -- Bart Allen came up right behind him and bodily shoved him into the living room. "Hey, Mrs. K!" Bart said just as happily, as Oliver mumbled a greeting of his own.

Then a cold silence descended as Oliver, Bart, and Chloe spied Lex, then stared him down.

Lex didn't quite shrink back into the sofa to hide behind Martha, but she wondered how much of a near thing it was.

"Ohmygod! Lex! You came!!" Kara cried jubilantly as she entered the house from the back door by the kitchen. Everyone turned to look at her, and she was quite a sight in a nearly neon-yellow summer dress, with matching shoes and belt. She dropped a large basket onto the kitchen table with an audible thump, then practically bounced over, before grabbing Lex by the arms and bodily pulling him up off the couch and into a giant hug.

Lex looked as thought he'd been put more than a little off-balance by her unbounded enthusiasm, giving an unsure smile. He tentatively patted her on the back and tried not to wince as Clark, who had followed her in at a more sedate pace, openly glared at him.

"I was so afraid you weren't going to make it! Clark said you're usually really busy on holidays!" she enthused as she finally backed off a little, though she was still holding onto his arms tightly enough that Lex doubted he could get away if he tried.

"Ah, well, you were rather adamant about my attendance when you brought it up yesterday," Lex replied, a little more weakly than he'd intended.

"And you came!" she grinned back at him. Her dazzling ear-to-ear smile nearly floored him.

"C'mon, I've gotta show you stuff!" she said excitedly.

Lex found himself dragged off into the kitchen and out of the immediate line of fire.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"It's... fine," Clark said to the trio by the door, unable to keep himself from sounding as strained as he felt.

"Fine?" Chloe demanded. "Does that really look fine to you?" she asked in a horrified whisper. Bart and Oliver glowered at Lex's back.

"What would Lana say?" Chloe continued.

Clark winced.

Then Chloe frowned in speculation. "...Wait, what _did_ Lana say?"

Clark winced again.

Chloe's eyes widened.

"I didn't invite him..." Clark protested under his breath, looking away.

~*~*~*~*~*~

In the kitchen, Kara was showing off her candy haul. She had settled Lex on a stool, then plopped down on one herself, right before she'd overturned the large wicker basket onto the kitchen table. It was soon apparent that she'd accummulated a _very_ large pile of candy.

"Where did you get all of this?" Lex asked tentatively, waving a hand at the hoard. He'd never seen candy in the Kent household before, let alone half a metric ton of it.

"The church down the street. They have games and egghunts and more games and raffles and games." She got a sly smile before confiding. "I won the games."

"Which games?" Lex asked, leaning in and subconsciously mirroring her conspiring pose.

Kara glanced around like she was waiting for the candy police to strike. Then she whispered to Lex, "All of them."

"...All of them?"

Kara nodded.

"Ah. Well." Lex searched for an appropriate response. "Congratulations."

Kara grinned.

"So, this is everything you won?" Lex asked.

"Nope!"

Lex stared at her while she bit her lip and giggled.

"What else did you win?" he asked, wondering what he was missing.

"More candy!"

"...You had more candy than this?" Lex's eyebrows raised.

Kara nodded several times in a row.

"Where is it?" he asked, glancing over at the basket Clark had brought in. ...But no, that looked like vegetables from the garden.

Then he watched Kara point at her lower torso. Lex frowned slightly.

So Kara elaborated: "In my stomach. Thing. Stomach-ish thing. There-ish." Lex blinked at her. "I ate it."

"I see," said Lex.

"Have you had a lot of candy yet today?" Lex probed cautiously.

"Bunches! It's great!" Kara thew up her arms, grinning. Then she giggled and grabbed his arm again. "You should try the chocolate. Have you tried chocolate? It's the best! Especially the bunny chocolate! And the bunny marshmallows! And the bunny peppermints! You should totally try all of it!" she said, bouncing in her chair. "But _especially_ the chocolate!" she demanded seriously in a low voice, leaning close.

"Ok," Lex agreed weakly, hoping he didn't end up suffering the same fate of an extreme sugar rush, to which Clark's younger cousin had evidently already violently succumbed. He got another brilliant grin for his trouble, and gave her a small smile in return.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I can't believe you're ok with this," Chloe hissed at Clark quietly across the couch. They'd all moved to the living room, and were taking turns sending surreptitious glances Lex's way. "Why is Lex here instead of Lana?"

Clark was getting a headache.

"Lana isn't here and didn't want to be," Mrs. Kent explained calmly, cutting in as she set down a plate of cookies and assorted snacks. "She's spending the day with her Aunt in Metropolis."

"So, how exactly did Lex get himself invited?" Oliver asked none-too-politely.

Mrs. Kent gave him a withering look, and he had the courtesy to look at least a little ashamed. "Kara realized after Clark started moping about Lana not being able to come that Easter wasn't just a family affair. So, she said she wanted to invite Lex, and I told her that that was a wonderful idea."

"Mom!" Clark said, wide-eyed and sounding shocked.

"Well, at least we can keep an eye on him this way," Chloe said darkly, biting into a cookie and eyeing Lex from the kitchen. He had his back to the room and was seemingly ignoring the lot of them except for Kara.

They busied themselves with eating light snacks, relaxing while waiting for the candied ham to finish baking in the oven, which Martha had put in earlier. They quietly talked about the feast for the night and the weather turning, before moving on to weightier topics, such as Martha's work in the senate, Oliver's work with Queen Industries, and Chloe's Isis Foundation recruitment drive.

They all jumped when they heard Lex giggle.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ok, what about this one?" Lex asked. He was enthralled -- Kara could apparently guess the right fillings for the assorted chocolates just by staring at them for a few seconds.

"Purple-something."

Of course, when she didn't know what it was... she didn't know what it was.

"Purple-something?"

"Uh-huh," Kara confirmed, sitting back. "Do you want it?"

"I like purple things," Lex said noncommittally.

"Okay, you can have it then," she said smartly, then paused. "What purple things do they put in chocolate?" she asked, curious.

"Mmmm, it depends," he said, picking up the chocolate and looking it over critically. Lex wasn't about to discount anything, aftter the cherry chocolate, and the pineapple chocolate, and the coconut chocolate, and the kumquat chocolate, and the apple chocolate, and the orange chocolate, and the peanut butter chocolate, and the cucumber chocolate, and the raisin chocolate...

"Maybe..." Lex stopped and considered, then rattled off, "Plums, prunes, grape-jelly, blackberries..." He trailed off, having trouble thinking of more.

"I've never had plums before," Kara said. "Martha said plums were nice." She looked at the chocolate longingly.

Lex made an executive decision. He set the purple-filled chocolate piece back down on the counter, motioned for a knife -- which Kara grabbed from the counter and handed over reverentially -- and then sliced the chocolate in two.

They each took a half and popped them in their respective mouths. Down the hatch.

Lex chewed once, then grimaced.

"Prune," he said definitively, watching Kara squinch up her face.

"Don't think I like that with chocolate," she said. She took a big swallow from her glass of milk to wash the taste away, and Lex did the same. "Didn't think anything could taste bad with chocolate," she said sadly.

"It is generally rather difficult to do," Lex agreed.

"I think we need more bunny chocolate after this," Kara declared, pulling four of the bite-sized crunchy rice-and-chocolate bunnies out of her pile. Two went to her and two went to Lex.

Lex unwrapped the aluminum foil and popped the first into his mouth. He sighed happily as he crunched down.

"You like chocolate?" Kara asked.

Lex nodded absently.

"So do I," Kara said, then sighed wistfully. "I wish I could eat chocolate more often."

"Then why don't you?" Lex asked.

"They only have bunny-chocolates for Easter," Kara said mournfully, laying her head down on her arms with a thump.

"But there are lots of other chocolates that the stores sell all the time," Lex pointed out. "Do they have to be bunny chocolates? You can get bunny-shaped chocolates after Easter from specialty stores," he frowned, trying to think of some she could order from, maybe over the internet...

But Kara just looked up at him wide-eyed. "They have chocolate _year-round?_ " she said with a look in her eye of the religious fanatic.

"Um." Warning bells went off in Lex's mind, but he couldn't quite figure out why at the moment. "Yes? I think so," he amended.

"You're not sure?" Kara frowned.

"I haven't been shopping at an actual grocery store by myself in... oh god, years, I think," he said, feeling vaguely horrified.

"Why?" Kara asked.

"I have cooks. They do the shopping for the meals, so I can just ask them to buy whatever I want as snacks, too."

"So you don't know where your chocolates come from?"

"Well..." Lex had to stop and think that one over. It took him a little too long, because Kara straightened, looking alarmed and asked:

"When was the last time you ate chocolate?"

"...Today?"

"Before that, silly!" Kara said, whacking him in the arm.

Lex rubbed at where she'd hit him absently and thought back. Then he frowned and thought back farther. Then he felt almost ashamed.

"It's been awhile," he admitted.

"Oh my god, you totally can't remember!" Kara accused. "How could you not remember eating something so awesome as chocolate?" she said, soundig horribly shocked.

"I eat a lot of awesome things," said Lex, but even he knew that wasn't much of an excuse.

"Uh huh." Yeah, Kara totally wasn't buying that one.

"I do," Lex huffed, crossing his arms. "I absolutely do. I have an excellent cook."

"So do I!" grinned Kara.

"Martha doesn't count."

Kara looked at him incredulously.

"I mean, she's Clark's mom. That's different!" he backpedaled quickly.

"Uh huh."

"It _is_!" Lex repeated.

"Says you."

"No, not just 'says me'. Other people!" Lex said, waving a hand about vaguely.

"Oh, yeah? Like who, Lionel?"

"Ugh," Lex groaned, putting his head down on the table.

"Blah blah, Martha isn't a cook, blah," said Kara.

Lex ignored that one. He even let her know, looking up at her and saying: "I am ignoring you now." It was only polite to inform her of this, after all.

"Blah blah, I have long greasy hair that gets stuck in doors and stuff, because I am too dumb to get a haircut."

The corners of Lex's lips twitched upwards before he smoothed his expression out again.

Kara's eyes sparkled as she took up the challenge. "Oh, war-stuff and lots of Rome and Greek things, because I am too old and cantankerous to know about current events like the 19th century and stuff, and even if I did I would never admit it, because I am just that stuffy in a shirt."

Lex bit his lip and almost had to stifle a laugh with a not-cough.

Kara, on a roll and not about to let up now, continued to pronounce the most random things mock-sagely, while stroking an imaginary beard: "Everything is a prisoner's-dilemma game-thing to me -- trust no one, fools, least of all me! Also, sharing is bad. I pay people to take candy from babies for fun and profit, because I'd be wasting all my precious, precious money-time if ever I deigned to do it myself. In fact, I think money is awesome-sexy and I want to make loooove to it. I want nobody to like me because _obviously_ that means I'm doing something right -- I mean wrong! Everybody but me is a crybaby, and I can't understand why people get upset if I kick them in the shins. Also, I don't know how to drive, but that's ok because I can pay people lots and lots of money to do that for me, too, and just act like I can and believe that nobody will ever figure it out--"

"Kara, please stop," he asked, practically dying in his chair. "You-- you shouldn't, do that... make fun... of him..."

"Why?" she asked with a wicked smile.

"Because-- because--" Lex knew there was a good reason; he was just having trouble thinking of it at the moment, was all. "Because he might hear you," he ended lamely.

"Pssssh. Whatever. I can take him!" she said, making two fists and bringing them up, then moving them in a boxing motion.

Lex nearly lost it right there and then.

"...Please?" Lex asked again, one last time.

Kara looked at him, then rolled her eyes and sighed. "Ok, fine," she said, sitting back.

But then she said slowly, musingly, "You know, I bet Lionel and chocolate _totally_ don't mix."

And Lex couldn't help but giggle, because that was just _awful_.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Everyone in the living room exchanged glances, then started to pay a bit more attention to what was going on in the kitchen...

~*~*~*~*~*~

"What? No, really -- I bet he'd totally spontaneous combust if he ever came in contact with the goodness that is chocolate!"

Lex laughed outright.

"I bet it's totally like, his antimatter, or something," Kara continued. Then, in a perfect Lionel-voice, she said, "Oh, here, what's this? Aah! Chocolate! My one true foe!" She picked up one of the larger chocolate bunnies and held it in front of her. "Nooo, get away!" she said, using her right hand to ward off the chocolate in her left, fighting in a tug of war like it was attacking her. She got up and moved around the kitchen in haphazard circles, then snatched up a breadstick and tried to 'parry' with it, sword-style, making 'hah!' and 'oh, no!' and 'you shall not defeat me! I'll sue you first!' and 'you'll never work in this town again, rabbit!' sounds as she went through her mock epic battle.

By the time she was rolling around on the floor and getting imaginarily bitten in the throat by the chocolate bunny, dying a horrible fake flailing death, Lex was laughing so hard he was barely able to stay on his stool.

When Kara got back up afterwards and started playing 'zombie Lionel', Lex _did_ fall off his stool.

And he continued to giggle, clutching his sides as Kara slowly leaned over him and started to give advice on how to deal with shuffling around a company's dead weight and vampiric stocks, the latter of which needed smelly garlic and a good stockbroker-slayer to be well rid of, completely. She topped it off by pawing at his head and saying 'braaaaains, need Lex's braaaaaains' intermittently.

"No... no... not... my brains... I need those!" Lex gasped between breaths, protecting his head with his arms and grinning up at her.

"I bet he needs them more," Kara said matter-of-factly, plopping down on the floor next to him and finally letting up the act.

Lex's breathing slowly evened out, and when he smiled up at her, a small but genuine smile, it was fit to light up a stadium.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I see it, but I don't believe it," Chloe said under her breath. She glanced down at her drink and wondered if it had been spiked with something.

"Believe it," Oliver replied with disgust, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "He's such a loser freak."

"Hey," Clark objected, because he liked it when Lex was acting all normal and open and relaxed, but apparently he'd said it too softly to be heard by anyone else... or just ignored.

"Ok, you know what? I vote for telling Kara that she's got to babysit Lex all the time and medicate him with, like, five pounds of chocolate a day from now on," Bart said quietly to the rest of the onlookers, almost completely seriously. "All in favor?" And Bart raised his hand.

Oliver raised a hand, smirking. Chloe gave the two of them a condescending look, until she realized that Martha, smiling, also had her hand raised.

"Ok, three-to-two, majority rule and the motion wins!" Bart called out lowly across the living room. "Soooo, who wants to tell her?" he asked, grinning.

Clark nearly said something, but then stared off at nothing before putting his head in his hands and quietly groaning to himself, because he had a pretty good idea what was coming, and he knew that even _he_ was incapable of stopping it...

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Braaaaains," Kara said again, lowly. She'd wrapped an arm around Lex's chest and dragged his back up against her chest, leaving him half-upright, half in her lap. She fingered at the top of his head gently, like she was probing for an easy way in, and Lex fended her off with one hand, snickering up at her.

"What are you doing to my son?"

Lex's face went blank.

He slowly looked up at the man with the mane standing by the back screen door, looking down on him and Kara. Lex swallowed hard.

"Uh, hi dad," Lex said. "Whaaaat are you doing here?" he asked, then wished his voice hadn't wobbled all over several octaves of range as he'd said it.

Lionel stared down at him like Lex had lost his flipping mind. (Again.)

"Braaaaaains," said Kara, grinning.

Lionel's eyes narrowed.

Lex visibly winced.

"...Would you believe that the candy they were eating might be laced with a red meteor rock derivative?" Chloe called from the living room. She wasn't completely heartless, after all, and Lex was looking like a puppy about to be kicked.

 _Huh?_ thought Lex, swiveling his head over at Chloe briefly.

"You were eating candy?" Lionel said, surprise and disapproval dripping from his voice.

"Lionel!" said Martha, rising from the couch.

Lex glanced back up at Lionel and opened his mouth, groping for something to say.

"Hey! You take that back! Candy is awesome!" Kara said, shaking a fist at Lionel.

Lex visibly winced, again.

~*~*~*~*~*~

All-in-all, it was not the worst Easter Sunday celebration that Clark could remember.

...Not that that was saying much.

~*~*~*~*~*~

END


End file.
